Anonymous asked: “After oppressing my feelings for years, I've finally realized that I am gay. I am not out to anyone because I want to make sure that when I come out I am fully ready. I'm just wondering, do you have any advice for reaching the point of truly accepting yourself? I know I'm gay but I still have these feelings of shame. I want to be proud of who I am.”

Hello anon,

First of all, I am truly sorry it took long for me to answer this, as I have been busy with some personal stuff, and I just hope you will just see this being answered.

I know exactly what you mean, as I have been there, too. I remember the times looking into the mirror and just crying for hours. I do not know if it was shame, I do not know what it was actually but all I know is that I was just not proud of who I was, but at the same time, I did not want to change that either.

The thing is, if there was not any homophobia around, if it was not treated this badly, we would have never been feeling that way, would we? Why wouldn’t I be proud of myself, just because I am gay? No way, I told myself. Yes there was so much hatred and bigotry out there, yes it might have changed some people’s opinions about me, but hey, I had to be me, I gotta be me, regardless what some might think, I thought. I should just be me, and it is my right to be me, my desire to be my true-self, and who disagrees with that can just get out of my life.

Those were what I was thinking.

Anon, it is not that easy, I know, and I can assure you it was not that easy, like just one realization time above either. I had my ups and downs on my way to embrace myself, but at the end, I realized, there was no reason to be ashamed of myself. I was not living to satisfy anyone’s assumptions about me, and I was not asking for a privilege or too much: I wanted to be happy, I wanted to be me. I did not know I could have them both, until I realized that would be the only way; I realized I can never be happy if I was not true to myself, proud of who I am.

I hope this helps, and feel free to contact again whenever you need to.

Don’t be afraid to show off your true colors.

Best wishes.

6 months ago · 2 notes

Personal Post: Coming Out to My Mother

Note: As I announced here before that I would be coming out to my mother, I did not have time to publish an update on how it went. Before sharing that experience of mine, I want to say thank you, to all of you, but especially to those who replied to post in such a beautiful way. I really appreciate your kind words, and I literally have no words to fully express how grateful I am. Thank you so much, for joining me in this journey and letting me share it with you. As again, this is a personal story I am sharing as it is related to coming out, and I hope you don’t mind that.

I must admit, as time got closer to me coming out to my mother, it felt harder to breathe. It was for sure not the first time I was coming out, but this was probably one of the most important ones to date, and regardless of its outcomes, it was to be a major milestone in my life.

After my mother called me to meet earlier than we planned, I got more and more nervous, and all my friends were feeling the same. I was prepared for the worst, even thought about packing some stuff, just in case. I was still getting messages from my friends who were worried and concerned, when I was with my mother and talking to her. She knew I wanted to tell her something, and she directly asked me.

I started talking with saying “It will answer a question you have been asking for a while, and to be honest, I have been thinking about how to say this to you, for quite a while, and I have never expected I’d be telling you this early”

She was looking at me, without saying a word, sometimes slightly nodding. Then I continued:

“Well, the thing is, I am gay”

She did not show any surprise or reaction, but I found myself rather surprised that I was that calm, and did not really have any trouble to speak; then I added:

“I have known this for a long time, since I was in 4th grade actually, but by the time it was not possible to understand or accept it, due to the homophobic society and obviously what you and my father was telling about it. All I knew back in time was that it was something to avoid being”

She just kept listening, and I took this chance to tell it all, from how I embraced it to what I felt about them:

“At first I thought it would go away, I was praying it away, but heck it did not work, I am glad it did not work, but back in time, I did not realize I was praying away my true self, just because of fear. As time moved on, I realized it was not temporary, and my feelings were getting more and more clear, yet neither yours nor society’s opinion had shown any progress. It wasn’t until then, just three and an half years ago to realize I was not happy, at all, and I couldn’t ignore my feelings anymore. They were not going anywhere. During the whole period, from the first realization to the first acceptance attempt, I have seen nothing helpful from you. I was all alone, and there wasn’t anyone who could help me. I thought about committing a suicide even, but it lasted just for a minute, because then I realized I have not tried anything yet and I was not going to give up, especially this soon, telling myself there’s gotta be more to do and live. Then I started to accept it, but I needed to embrace it, not just to accept it. I saw there was nothing wrong with me, and I realized my dreams of finding my soulmate and having a family was still possible, not just in this country, but no one could take my dreams away as long as I was alive. I cried a lot, at first, and I waited you and my father to sleep first, thus you would not see me crying, then I started telling my close friends. I got stronger by time, I have seen people supporting me. And now here I am, telling this to you, that I am gay.”

She kind of started crying, and told me that she had no idea what I had to go through and that she was unable to be a good parent, especially when I needed that the most. She told me she was ok with me being gay, but upset about what kind of a parent she was, and how I was feeling about her. I told her that although I appreciate her apology, my aim was to re-start our relationship with her, not to cry after the past.

It was rather interesting talk we had actually, as she told me she thought she was saving me from what society would think about me by behaving so, especially when talking about homosexuality, but sure she was not totally sure what it was herself either. She also asked if I was gay because they were not good parents, which I have asked a question that involved a personal detail from her childhood that can be summarized as her father not being nice to her, and her still being straight; as otherwise, she would have to be lesbian, with such logic, too. There were some other questions she has asked, including who knew I was gay and what I was planning for my future. After that, she told me that she was supporting me to the fullest and do her best to help me out, whenever I needed. She also asked some other questions, including if I had a boyfriend and etc., while saying that she did not know anything thus already sorry if she was to say something wrong. It was nice to see such attitude to be honest.

Our conversation turned into more of our relationship then me coming out to her, but it was nice to finally be completely honest to each other, and start a whole new chapter in our relationship.

For the whole time I was afraid about this, coming out to her, and I finally did tell her. I can totally say it gets better, and believe me I mean it, and every single time I come out, it happens to prove itself in a stronger way.

I also saw a great level of support from my friends, both near and abroad ones, and I feel truly blessed to have such people in my life.

Here is to a better for future for all of us, and remember, it does get better.

Thank you for taking your time and reading my story; it means a lot to me.

6 months ago · 38 notes

Hello everyone,
This is what I have just posted on facebook…
I have been feeling really nervous lately due to this decision of mine, and personally, regardless all the advice I give here, I am feeling nervous, a lot. I cannot really predict its outcomes but at least I am sure it will not affect my safety negatively, thus I am taking such step.
Normally I avoid sharing personal things with you, but this one, being related to coming out, I wanted to share because I want to show I have been going through the same as most of you, and I thought sharing this experience of mine might be a good idea, and I hope you will think same way.
I will answer questions in the inbox after this, as you can imagine it is all I can focus right now.
I hope you will not see me sharing this with you as inappropriate.
Fingers crossed…

Hello everyone,

This is what I have just posted on facebook…

I have been feeling really nervous lately due to this decision of mine, and personally, regardless all the advice I give here, I am feeling nervous, a lot. I cannot really predict its outcomes but at least I am sure it will not affect my safety negatively, thus I am taking such step.

Normally I avoid sharing personal things with you, but this one, being related to coming out, I wanted to share because I want to show I have been going through the same as most of you, and I thought sharing this experience of mine might be a good idea, and I hope you will think same way.

I will answer questions in the inbox after this, as you can imagine it is all I can focus right now.

I hope you will not see me sharing this with you as inappropriate.

Fingers crossed…

7 months ago · 33 notes

7 months ago · 11 notes

Question by anonymous

Hello, I recently came out to my dad. He was very supportive but surprised. He is concerned now because he feels ill-prepared to guide a gay son through the problems I will in all likelihood face. I knew it would be a shock for him, but tonight he asked me (a week after I told him) how I really knew that I’m gay. I told him I’ve never felt the feelings he feels for women, that I feel more like friends with women. I have tried to be cautious about using sexual language with him because I didn’t want to make him feel too uncomfortable all too soon. After trying to explain that I like men like he likes women, he still asked, “we’ll if you haven’t had any relations with a man, then how can you be sure?” It’s true, I’ve never had a relationship or any physical affection with another man, but how can I explain to my dad that I really am gay without having had these experiences? In other words, how can I explain that I’m attracted to men if there’s never been any “proof”? Thanks

Hello anon,

Believe me, this is one of the most common reactions, and personally, I prefer to ask the same thing in return. The thing is, when someone asks such question e.g. “How are you sure about being gay if you haven’t had any relationship with men/women?”, that person should realize that this question then applies to any sexual orientation, including heterosexuality. So simply, you can ask your father how he was sure he was straight without having any relationship with men. I mean, according to such approach of your father’s, it might suggest that he might be bisexual, as he has not had any relationship with men so he does not fully know his sexuality. Such questioning will probably make him realize how simple the answer and reason is.

We do not need to have a relationship with someone from any gender to confirm our sexual orientation, as we simply know it. Our attractions, feelings and emotions are clear enough to realize it, most of the time at least, and we just know it. Why would you have to have a relationship with a man to ensure your homosexuality, where you know you are attracted to men, not women?

Those are generic questions but I do not really blame your father. My experiences showed me many people simply do not know anything and sometimes are asking such questions as they have never need to question their sexuality, as it was shown and taught as the “normal” one to them, so expect such questions and handle them calmly.

I hope this helps,

Best wishes.

7 months ago · 6 notes

Anonymous asked: “I'm a 13 year old gay guy and over the past few months, I've felt very ready to come out to my closest friend. On the other hand, part of medoesn't want to feel as if I should label myself, and that I'll want to somehow take it back. Any help?:l”

Hello anon,

If you are comfortable with the label “gay” i.e. it does not restricts/limits your sexuality and is enough to describe it, then there is nothing to worry. If you feel like there is more, then just let yourself discover the whole spectrum of your sexuality before forcing to find a label. Then you can feel free to come out.

Hope this helps.

7 months ago · 2 notes

Anonymous asked: “I want to tell my friends first. I want them to know that I am gay because I feel that I might get positive feed back from them. However I'm just so scared that they'll reject me.”

Hello anon,

I know how you might exactly feel as I was the same when I was to come out for the first time. The truth is if those people are truly your friends, they will just be happy about you being honest to them and react positively. Yes there might be ones who might get surprised, but there might be also ones who were already expecting. You can also test out the water with bringing up a conversation, for instance on a marriage equality news, to see how they react as it will give you a better insight of their possible reaction.

Hope this helps and best wishes.

7 months ago · 3 notes

Anonymous asked: “So im turning 13 and i have a girlfriend , i dont think im bisexual anymore I've been with her for 7 months now. my mom doesn't know i have a feeling she is homophobic but my cousins know. i dont know what to do.”

Hello anon,

I always suggest people to not rush finding a label, as you are not bisexual for a period and then realize you are actually gay, which actually causes lots of misunderstanding about the term bisexuality. Many seem to go with label bisexuality without giving attention to what they really feel, until they truly find out about their attractions.

For coming out, if it is going to jeopardize your situation, it is better to postpone until you can provide for your own, as safety is always the best priority. But as you suggest this is how you think about your mother, I’d recommend testing out the water to see what she really thinks and how she might react if you’d come out. Just start a discussion on LGBT related news, or mention about a “friend” who come out to you, etc. and observe how she reacts, as you can get a clue from there. If it happens to be positive, then probably she will react same way when you come out, if not again it is better not to come out. If you ever decide to come out, after even observing she might react negative, please make sure to have a backup plan, someone to turn to in case of worst-scenario. Never forget, regardless how appealing and freeing coming out may be, safety always comes first.

Hope this helps, best wishes.

7 months ago · 3 notes

Anonymous asked: “I have been fighting my bisexuality for YEARS. I knew when I was 9, but being surrounded by a Catholic family covered those thoughts. Now, as a young adult, I still struggle with my sexuality. I have a boyfriend who's wonderful, kind and loving, & I, him. But lately it's felt different when it comes to the physical attraction. I'm dating the prefect man, but I feel so gay.”

Hello anon,

If you do not share the same feelings and attraction with him, try to observe if it has been always this way and you were simply forcing yourself due to your struggle or if it started to develop recently. This might be more than just you being bisexual, at the end, if he is “perfect” in your view but you do not feel same way, maybe it is simply because you are not attracted to him or never been.

You saying you feel so gay made me think: are you certain about being bisexual? I have seen so many gay individual who identify as bisexual at first due to fear, struggle and confusion, and then fully realize and admit being gay, so this is another point to take into consideration.

You should be open to yourself and explore your attractions. Make sure that you are not hiding behind bisexual label if you are actually gay, as this would be the most helpful step. If you are certain with it, well it is a sign of something different in the relationship: a thing to solve as a couple, which may also require you to come out to your boyfriend as well, but the thing is communication would be the key.

I hope this helps, and feel free to ask anytime.

Best wishes.

8 months ago · 5 notes

Luke & Chase

Pictures by Jillian Rose Photography

8 months ago · 8,812 notes · Source