Why Some Straight Men Are Romantically or Sexually Attracted to Other Men

Below piece is from the article titled “Why Some Straight Men Are Romantically or Sexually Attracted to Other Men”, by  Joe Kort, Ph.D.

Many types of men engage in same-sex relationships, for a variety of reasons, which I will identify for you. Here are a few of them:

  • Acting out early-childhood sexual abuse: This is also known as “homosexual imprinting.” These heterosexual men are not homosexually oriented. They do not sexually desire, nor are they aroused by, other men. However, they compulsively reenact childhood sexual abuse by male perpetrators through their sexual behaviors with other men. If a basically heterosexual boy is molested by a male relative, he may keep “returning to the scene of the crime” to defuse his emotional pain or desensitize himself to it. When his original trauma gets cleared up, the “homosexual” behavior he’s reenacting ceases. This isn’t about gayness; it is about sexual abuse.
  • Sex work or escorting: These heterosexual men voluntarily engage in sexual behavior with other men for the financial reward, but they lack desire for other men and are aroused by the sexual behavior, not by the man. It is widely known in the porn and sex work industries that straight men who have sex with men are paid more than they would be for sex with women.
  • Seeking intensely arousing but personally shameful experiences (e.g., penetration by a dildo, bondage): These are heterosexual men who are strongly interested in various sexual experiences that many people might label “homosexual.” To avoid being identified in this way by women, they seek out men, whom they perceive as nonjudgmental.
  • First sexual experience: Sometimes heterosexual males experiment with other males sexually, usually in adolescence and/or young adulthood (up to age 25), for the experience or to satisfy curiosity.
  • Availability/opportunity: These straight men have high sex drives and are sexually aroused easily. They connect with men for physical sexual release, which can be quick and easy and allows them avoid having to emotionally engage.
  • Father hunger: These are heterosexual men who crave affection and attention from their fathers and seek sex with men as a way of getting that male nurturance and acceptance.
  • Sexual orientation toward men but emotional/romantic orientation toward women: These are men who are romantically attracted to women and are usually partnered with women. They can be sexual with women they love, but they are predominately aroused and driven sexually by desire for sex with other men.
  • Narcissism: These are straight men who are self-absorbed and have a constant need for attention and acceptance; they use sexuality with men to be worshipped and adored.
  • Sexual addiction: “Gay” behavior can be the result of sexual addiction. But even a “cured” sex addict may still feel attracted to men, as do celibate gay priests.
  • Cuckolding: These straight men enjoy fantasies of — or the reality of — their female partners having sex with other men, either in front of them, nearby or with their knowledge about when and where it occurs. They’re often sexually aroused by feeling humiliated that their female partners are being pleased by another man whom they see as more potent and better endowed. Other men enjoy being sexual with another man’s female partner in front of him, or at least with his knowledge. Sometimes they engage in sexual behavior with the man, but only in the presence of the female partner.
  • Exhibitionism: These straight men enjoy being looked at by both men and women as long as they are being admired for their bodies. Many are body builders and muscular and enjoy the homoerotic attention of gay men and might even flirt with gay men to encourage more admiration.
  • Sexual release in prison: These straight men engage in sexual behavior with other men in prison. Their sexual release with another person occurs with men only because men are what’s available. Once released from prison, these men no longer engage in sexual behavior with men.

The article appears on Huffington Post Gay Voices. For the full piece, click here.

8 months ago · 28 notes · Source

1 year ago · 79 notes

steegeschnoeber:

oneandonlygabriel:

I really, REALLY wish you could read this article about a father who started wearing skirts because his son likes to wear skirts and dresses and he wants his son to feel strongerLike, holy shit, the end made me feel so happy 

I took the liberty to translate the text.
Please note that it’s not a word to word translation.

Sometimes men simply have to be role models.
Because his son likes to wear skirts Nils Pickert started with it as well. After all, the little one needs a role model. And he thinks long skirts with elastic bands suit him quite well anyways. A story about two misfits in the Province of southern Germany.
My five year old son likes to wear dresses. In Berlin Kreuzberg that alone would be enough to get into conversation with other parents. Is it wise or ridiculous? „Neither one nor the other!“ I still want to shout back at them. But sadly they can’t hear me any more. Because by now I live in a small town in South Germany. Not even a hundred thousand inhabitants, very traditional, very religious. Plainly motherland. Here the partiality of my son are not only a subject for parents, they are a town wide issue. And I did my bit for that to happen.
Yes, I’m one of those dads, that try to raise their children equal. I’m not one of those academic daddies that ramble about gender equality during their studies and then, as soon as a child’s in the house, still relapse into those fluffy gender roles: He’s finding fulfilment in his carrier and she’s doing the rest.
Thus I am, I know that by now, part of the minority that makes a fool of themselves from time to time. Out of conviction.
In my case that’s because I didn’t want to talk my son into not wearing dresses and skirts. He didn’t make friends in doing that in Berlin already and after a lot of contemplation I had only one option left: To broaden my shoulders for my little buddy and dress in a skirt myself. After all you can’t expect a child at pre-school age to have the same ability to assert themselves as an adult. Completely without role model. And so I became that role model.
We already had skirt and dress days back then during mild Kreuzbergian weather. And I think long skirts with elastic bands suit me quite well anyways. Dresses are a bit more difficult. There was either no reaction of the people in Berlin or it was positive. In my small town in the south of Germany that’s a little bit different.
Being all stressed out, because of the moving I forgot to notify the nursery-school teachers to have an eye on my boy not being laughed at because of his fondness of dresses and skirts. Shortly after moving he didn’t dare to go to nursery-school wearing a skirt or a dress any more. And looking at me with big eyes he asked: “Daddy, when are you going to wear a skirt again?”
To this very day I’m thankful for that women, that stared at us on the street until she ran face first into a street light. My son was roaring with laugher. And the next day he fished out a dress from the depth of his wardrobe. At first only for the weekend. Later also for nursery-school.
And what’s the little guy doing by now? He’s painting his fingernails. He thinks it looks pretty on my nails, too. He’s simply smiling, when other boys ( and it’s nearly always boys) want to make fun of him and says: “You only don’t dare to wear skirts and dresses because your dads don’t dare to either.” That’s how broad his own shoulders have become by now. And all thanks to daddy in a skirt.

I hope it’s alright like this.

steegeschnoeber:

oneandonlygabriel:

I really, REALLY wish you could read this article about a father who started wearing skirts because his son likes to wear skirts and dresses and he wants his son to feel stronger
Like, holy shit, the end made me feel so happy 

I took the liberty to translate the text.

Please note that it’s not a word to word translation.

Sometimes men simply have to be role models.

Because his son likes to wear skirts Nils Pickert started with it as well. After all, the little one needs a role model. And he thinks long skirts with elastic bands suit him quite well anyways. A story about two misfits in the Province of southern Germany.

My five year old son likes to wear dresses. In Berlin Kreuzberg that alone would be enough to get into conversation with other parents. Is it wise or ridiculous? „Neither one nor the other!“ I still want to shout back at them. But sadly they can’t hear me any more. Because by now I live in a small town in South Germany. Not even a hundred thousand inhabitants, very traditional, very religious. Plainly motherland. Here the partiality of my son are not only a subject for parents, they are a town wide issue. And I did my bit for that to happen.

Yes, I’m one of those dads, that try to raise their children equal. I’m not one of those academic daddies that ramble about gender equality during their studies and then, as soon as a child’s in the house, still relapse into those fluffy gender roles: He’s finding fulfilment in his carrier and she’s doing the rest.

Thus I am, I know that by now, part of the minority that makes a fool of themselves from time to time. Out of conviction.

In my case that’s because I didn’t want to talk my son into not wearing dresses and skirts. He didn’t make friends in doing that in Berlin already and after a lot of contemplation I had only one option left: To broaden my shoulders for my little buddy and dress in a skirt myself. After all you can’t expect a child at pre-school age to have the same ability to assert themselves as an adult. Completely without role model. And so I became that role model.

We already had skirt and dress days back then during mild Kreuzbergian weather. And I think long skirts with elastic bands suit me quite well anyways. Dresses are a bit more difficult. There was either no reaction of the people in Berlin or it was positive. In my small town in the south of Germany that’s a little bit different.

Being all stressed out, because of the moving I forgot to notify the nursery-school teachers to have an eye on my boy not being laughed at because of his fondness of dresses and skirts. Shortly after moving he didn’t dare to go to nursery-school wearing a skirt or a dress any more. And looking at me with big eyes he asked: “Daddy, when are you going to wear a skirt again?”

To this very day I’m thankful for that women, that stared at us on the street until she ran face first into a street light. My son was roaring with laugher. And the next day he fished out a dress from the depth of his wardrobe. At first only for the weekend. Later also for nursery-school.

And what’s the little guy doing by now? He’s painting his fingernails. He thinks it looks pretty on my nails, too. He’s simply smiling, when other boys ( and it’s nearly always boys) want to make fun of him and says: “You only don’t dare to wear skirts and dresses because your dads don’t dare to either.” That’s how broad his own shoulders have become by now. And all thanks to daddy in a skirt.

I hope it’s alright like this.

1 year ago · 77,966 notes · Source · Reblogged from steegeschnoeber

1 year ago · 28 notes

1 year ago · 5 notes · Source

Top 10 Misconceptions About Gay People

Content below provided/contributed by  on YourTango.com’s Expert Blogs:

It’s time to clear up these ridiculous myths about same-sex couples!

It’s Gay & Lesbian Pride Month, so, what better excuse to examine some of the myths that continue to negatively label same-sex unions? The next time you hear somebody claim truth to any of these prevalent falsehoods, be sure to speak up and educate others on the real deal!

Myth #1: Gays are promiscuous, even when seriously involved with another.

The truth: While it’s generally thought that homosexuals just can’t help themselves in having numerous partners, homosexual individuals are no likelier to be promiscuous than heterosexual people. Promiscuity has nothing to do with sexual orientation, and is not limited to only one group of people.

Gay individuals are no more likely to have trouble staying monogamous than heterosexual individuals. They are, in fact, as likely to be in committed, long-term relationships as are heterosexuals. Many want to have an emotional relationship before becoming sexually involved, and desire a long-lasting, monogamous relationship. 

Want proof? One longitudinal study involving gay couples found that at the end of 12 years, these unions had a slightly lower break-up rate than the divorce rate for heterosexual couples. Other survey efforts have found that both gay and straight men and women have had a similar number of partners.

Myth #2: Children raised by same-sex couples will end up gay themselves.

The truth: Research shows that children raised by same-sex couples are no more likely to be gay than those raised by heterosexual couples. Case closed.

Myth #3: Most child molesters are gay males.

The truth: Most pedophiles are not gay men; in fact, approximately 90% of child molesters end up being heterosexual males. Even those who molest boys identify as heterosexual in their adult relationships.

Myth #4. Gays are attracted to everybody of the same sex.

The truth: Fueled by homophobia, this myth doesn’t make any sense when considered as a norm for heterosexuals: Straight people aren’t attracted to every member of the opposite sex. So why would homosexuals get all hot ‘n’ bothered by anybody who shares the same set of genitals?

Myth #5: Gays live a certain lifestyle, one reminiscent of the wild and crazy days of Studio 54.

The truth: There is no “gay lifestyle”. Gay individuals vary immensely when it comes to race, age, religion, nationality, ethnicity, socio-economic backgrounds, values, etc. There is no set standard by which all gay people live their lives. For many people, sexual orientation is just one part of their identity and is not the overriding factor that defines their entire identity.

Myth #6: Children raised by same-sex unions are affected negatively by their experience.

The truth: The National Lesbian Longitudinal Family Study (NLLFS) found that children raised by homosexual unions are no different from kids raised by heterosexual couples, in terms of their development, self-esteem, gender roles, sexual orientation, and gender-related problems. In fact, The National Longitudinal Study of Adolescent Health, involving over 12,000 adolescents, has found no significant differences between teens living with same-sex parents and other-sex parents regarding: self-reported assessments of psychological well-being (e.g., self-esteem and anxiety), measures of school outcomes (e.g., GPA), measures of family relationships (e.g., care from adults), substance use, delinquency, or peer victimization.

Myth #7: Lesbians seek out same-sex relationships only after having bad experiences with men.

The truth: Both lesbians and gay men report having had positive and enjoyable past sexual encounters or relationships with members of the other gender. Most, however, find that their same-gender relationships are much more fulfilling, and are a true reflection of their sexual orientation and attractions. 

Myth #8: Gay/Lesbian parents differ from heterosexuals in their parenting skills.

The truth: As stated by the American Psychological Association, empirical research consistently shows that homosexual parents do not differ from heterosexuals in their parenting skills. Their children do not show any deficits when compared with children raised by heterosexual parents. In fact, gay/lesbian parental relationships are often more cooperative and egalitarian, with their childrearing typically more nurturant. Consequently, their children are often more affectionate, as well.

Myth #9: Same-sex unions are vastly different from straight unions.

The truth: Research involving over 12,000 questionnaires and more than 300 interviews with gay, lesbian, married heterosexual and co-habitating heterosexual couples concluded that the unions had more similarities than differences, in terms of lifestyle patterns and patterns of adjustment. Research since has concluded that gay and straight relationships operate on the same principles and are maintained in similar ways. (e.g., cooking and paying bills.)

Myth #10: Heterosexual unions are better than same-sex unions.

The truth: Factors that constitute “quality” in a relationship are very individual, but some qualities that are often favored in a union are more prevalent in same-sex unions. Gay male couples report having more autonomy, while lesbian couples report more intimacy, autonomy, and equality than straight couples.

1 year ago · 60 notes · Source

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