Top 10 Misconceptions About Gay People

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It’s time to clear up these ridiculous myths about same-sex couples!

It’s Gay & Lesbian Pride Month, so, what better excuse to examine some of the myths that continue to negatively label same-sex unions? The next time you hear somebody claim truth to any of these prevalent falsehoods, be sure to speak up and educate others on the real deal!

Myth #1: Gays are promiscuous, even when seriously involved with another.

The truth: While it’s generally thought that homosexuals just can’t help themselves in having numerous partners, homosexual individuals are no likelier to be promiscuous than heterosexual people. Promiscuity has nothing to do with sexual orientation, and is not limited to only one group of people.

Gay individuals are no more likely to have trouble staying monogamous than heterosexual individuals. They are, in fact, as likely to be in committed, long-term relationships as are heterosexuals. Many want to have an emotional relationship before becoming sexually involved, and desire a long-lasting, monogamous relationship. 

Want proof? One longitudinal study involving gay couples found that at the end of 12 years, these unions had a slightly lower break-up rate than the divorce rate for heterosexual couples. Other survey efforts have found that both gay and straight men and women have had a similar number of partners.

Myth #2: Children raised by same-sex couples will end up gay themselves.

The truth: Research shows that children raised by same-sex couples are no more likely to be gay than those raised by heterosexual couples. Case closed.

Myth #3: Most child molesters are gay males.

The truth: Most pedophiles are not gay men; in fact, approximately 90% of child molesters end up being heterosexual males. Even those who molest boys identify as heterosexual in their adult relationships.

Myth #4. Gays are attracted to everybody of the same sex.

The truth: Fueled by homophobia, this myth doesn’t make any sense when considered as a norm for heterosexuals: Straight people aren’t attracted to every member of the opposite sex. So why would homosexuals get all hot ‘n’ bothered by anybody who shares the same set of genitals?

Myth #5: Gays live a certain lifestyle, one reminiscent of the wild and crazy days of Studio 54.

The truth: There is no “gay lifestyle”. Gay individuals vary immensely when it comes to race, age, religion, nationality, ethnicity, socio-economic backgrounds, values, etc. There is no set standard by which all gay people live their lives. For many people, sexual orientation is just one part of their identity and is not the overriding factor that defines their entire identity.

Myth #6: Children raised by same-sex unions are affected negatively by their experience.

The truth: The National Lesbian Longitudinal Family Study (NLLFS) found that children raised by homosexual unions are no different from kids raised by heterosexual couples, in terms of their development, self-esteem, gender roles, sexual orientation, and gender-related problems. In fact, The National Longitudinal Study of Adolescent Health, involving over 12,000 adolescents, has found no significant differences between teens living with same-sex parents and other-sex parents regarding: self-reported assessments of psychological well-being (e.g., self-esteem and anxiety), measures of school outcomes (e.g., GPA), measures of family relationships (e.g., care from adults), substance use, delinquency, or peer victimization.

Myth #7: Lesbians seek out same-sex relationships only after having bad experiences with men.

The truth: Both lesbians and gay men report having had positive and enjoyable past sexual encounters or relationships with members of the other gender. Most, however, find that their same-gender relationships are much more fulfilling, and are a true reflection of their sexual orientation and attractions. 

Myth #8: Gay/Lesbian parents differ from heterosexuals in their parenting skills.

The truth: As stated by the American Psychological Association, empirical research consistently shows that homosexual parents do not differ from heterosexuals in their parenting skills. Their children do not show any deficits when compared with children raised by heterosexual parents. In fact, gay/lesbian parental relationships are often more cooperative and egalitarian, with their childrearing typically more nurturant. Consequently, their children are often more affectionate, as well.

Myth #9: Same-sex unions are vastly different from straight unions.

The truth: Research involving over 12,000 questionnaires and more than 300 interviews with gay, lesbian, married heterosexual and co-habitating heterosexual couples concluded that the unions had more similarities than differences, in terms of lifestyle patterns and patterns of adjustment. Research since has concluded that gay and straight relationships operate on the same principles and are maintained in similar ways. (e.g., cooking and paying bills.)

Myth #10: Heterosexual unions are better than same-sex unions.

The truth: Factors that constitute “quality” in a relationship are very individual, but some qualities that are often favored in a union are more prevalent in same-sex unions. Gay male couples report having more autonomy, while lesbian couples report more intimacy, autonomy, and equality than straight couples.

2 years ago · 60 notes · Source

Who’s the Bride? And Other Things Not to Say to Same-Sex Couples

By Bernadette Coveney Smith
Gay wedding planner, educator and expert

I’ll never forget the day that I went for a cake tasting with a pair of my brides. We arrived to a bakery where I’d been plenty of times before and had great experiences. When she saw us, the assistant who greeted us that day said, “So, which one of you is the bride?”

I get it. Three women. Surely one of them must be the bride, another the Maid of Honor and the third a sister or the planner — or anyone but another bride. Right?

I was fairly horrified, even though I knew my clients would ultimately have a good experience if they did choose that cake (they didn’t). I was horrified because it’s my job to make sure this doesn’t happen, and that day I failed myself and my clients. I should have called ahead to remind the bakery that the appointment was with a same-sex couple, even though I mentioned it when making the appointment. I should have and I didn’t.

Fortunately my clients were very cool and forgave both me and the bakery. This kind of thing actually happens all the time, though — wedding professionals who assume that there’s one bride and one groom. I hear from grooms who tell me about approaching a vendor and hearing, “So, where’s the bride? ” or “What’s the name of the bride?” — as if it’s not obvious when there’s not one!

I know very well that this kind of oversight does not necessarily equal homophobia or discrimination. Often it’s just an accidental oversight that carries through on forms, contracts, websites and marketing materials and in employee training. But it can be a very expensive accidental oversight for businesses who cater to the fairytale wedding and unconsciously turn off potential same-sex clients. Some couples are forgiving and others are not.

I talk about this kind of stuff all the time when I train those in the wedding industry about gay weddings through my workshops and webinar course. I get that the laws are changing and there’s a lot of catch-up to do. But ultimately gay weddings are good for business. They might not make you rich but even if your business is just seeing one or two gay weddings a year, that can still end up being significant. And if gay weddings are not legally allowed where you live, then you might get some commitment ceremony business — it’s still good to be ready.

If there are 2.3 million straight weddings a year, gay weddings will never come close to touching that number. But nevertheless, gay weddings are here — and here to stay. Isn’t it time your business caught up?

I wish I made this stuff up but here are 10 real-life examples of things wedding professionals should NOT say to engaged same-sex couples!

"Where’s the bride?" (to two grooms)
There may be one bride, two brides or no brides! Be careful not to make assumptions!

"Is one of you going to wear the dress and one of you wear the tux?" (said to brides and grooms)
Gender roles are archaic and potentially offensive to couples. Ask open ended questions instead, like “What are you going to wear to your wedding?”

"That’s not what happens at a real wedding!"
Who’s to say what happens at a real wedding? What is a real wedding anymore? Don’t invalidate this couple’s wedding planning decisions.

"How do your parents feel about all this?"
Their parents may be over the moon, completely horrified, or a little of both. Ultimately it may be none of your business.

"I’m so thrilled to meet you. You know, I was bisexual in college!"
LGBT people hate to be tokenized. Don’t try to relate to us by saying things like that. Just be yourself and treat LGBT couples with respect.

"I’m thrilled to be supportive of your alternative lifestyle!"
Being LGBT isn’t a choice - so please don’t make comments which imply that it is.

"Oh, is that even legal?"
Whether or not the marriage will be legal is irrelevant. If the LGBT couple wants to plan a wedding, fantastic!

"Which way do you swing?" (inappropriate sexual question)
Stay away from anything even remotely sexual…it’s none of your business!

"Yes, we will plan homosexual weddings here."
The word “homosexual” has all kinds of negative connotations related to the early days when it was actually considered a mental disorder to be gay. Stay away from that term!

"So will there be drag queens and show tunes at this wedding?"
Maybe. Maybe not. But just because it’s a gay wedding doesn’t mean that you should assume that all of the cliches are true.

2 years ago · 30 notes · Source

Reclaiming the Rhetoric of ‘Family’: 3 Reasons Why Same-Sex Marriage Recognition in the Military Matters

Member of the OutServe Board of Directors

Why Do Military Families Matter to the Rest of the LGBT Movement?

1) First and most obviously, military families are setting the stage for DOMA repeal.

Before the repeal of DADT was even implemented, congressional allies were asking how same-sex military families were affected by the Defense of Marriage Act. At the first congressional hearing since DOMA’s implementation in 1996, Senator Feinstein pointed out that DOMA bars the spouse of a gay or lesbian service member or veteran from being buried with him or her in a veterans’ cemetery.

Heart-wrenching narratives that display gross injustices against American soldiers will challenge the Republican moral fiber. A purely LGBT initiative can be ignored by the right wing; the story of a sacrificed servicemember cannot.

2) The recognition of same-sex spouses and their families proves that “homosexuality” isn’t (just) about the sex.

Whether referencing sodomy, sexual deviancy, or pedophilia, language used to describe gays and lesbians throughout history have placed emphasis on the sexual component of same-sex relationships. One of the most famous attempts to take on such a task was the homophile movement in the 1950s and ’60s. The term literally means loving the same sex. Obviously, Average Joe hasn’t heard of the term “homophile,” and he probably uses the term “homosexual,” indicating that the movement failed in the respect. Essentially, there is much work to be done in order to dismantle the association of gays with perversion.

3) Same-sex marriage recognition in the military reclaims (and possibly neutralizes) the term “family.”

It’s far too often that we hear Republican candidates (can you guess which GOPer this hyperlink goes to?) toss around the word “family” as a euphemism for anti-gay sentimentality. If the military — as one of the most family-oriented institutions in American society — recognizes same-sex families as legitimate, then others will inevitably do so, as well. Again, families are “the strength of our nation.” If gays are included in this military definition of family, I would consider that a step up from the classification of “pervert” and “sexual deviant.”

Pushing for same-sex partner recognition and family benefits in the military may appear to be a narrow goal in the wide scheme of LGBT issues, but it’s part of a larger agenda. It’s about reclaiming and eventually neutralizing the terms “family,” “spouse,” and even “patriotism” so they can’t be placed in opposition to everything the LGBT movement stands for. 

Click here to read the full article.

2 years ago · 29 notes · Source

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adorable (:


adorable (:

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