My Life: A Letter to Homosexual Teens in Unaccepting Christian Homes
Submitted by indeliblyme*
*Note: The user who submitted the piece notes that anyone who might be offended by the piece shall contact him for better discussion.
To any gay teenagers currently living in a christian home that does not approve of homosexuality.
My name is Thaddeus and I was born and raised in a Christian home. I went to a conservative Baptist church, a conservative private Christian school, and a conservative Bible College. If you come from this background… I get you, I am you. I was a late bloomer sexually and really didn’t care about anything in that realm until I was thirteen. It was at this point that it became overwhelmingly obvious to me that I was gay. From the ages of 13-15, I hid my sexuality and shoved it into the corners of my life. The corner of my life being late at night… every night. I had no choice but to do this as I was too scared to come out and I knew that my whole life would shatter if I did.
By the time I was sixteen I had built up enough bravado to tell a few close friends about my homosexuality. Doing this provided me with the strength to finally tell my parents.
*insert the worst week of my life*
My parents did not abuse me. They did not stop loving me and I did not stop loving them. However, my perfect little Christian boy persona was gone and all of the sudden I became a problem. A BIG problem. (I have to remind myself that this time was hard for them and I forgive them for the pain that they unintentionally caused. If you go through this, please forgive your parents as well)
When I came out my parents, my church, and my school made me feel filthy. I felt as though I had committed every sin in the book and died unable to recant. This was hard for me because I was a fairly innocent teen. Sure, I looked at pornography, cheated sometimes, and lied now and then but I wasn’t a pedophile, a rapist, or a murderer… but I was made to feel that way.
They bring you into counseling. That’s the worst. You sit in these awkward conversations where your pastor tries to prod at you and test how much you’ve thought about this “decision.” Because teenagers can’t figure out sexuality on their own. You sit in stale silences, wallpaper melting silences, and you look into the faces of people who have no ability to think outside of their heterosexual bubble. You can practically hear your pastor’s vocal chords begging to say, “you just think you’re gay because you’ve never had sex with a girl.” Thank god your Pastor never will… but your father probably will. (You’ll have to forgive your Pastor too, that’s a hard one, but it will come in time)
6 months ago · 75 notes