Anonymous asked: “Hi, I'm a 16 year old female. I'm going through a really hard time right now. I have no idea what I want. I'm attracted to boys but sometimes have fantasies about girls. There is this one girl that I feel like I have something for. She is just wonderful. I feel like she feels the same way sometimes. I can see myself both with a girl and a boy. Does this mean I'm bisexual? Should I talk to my close friend about me possible being bisexual. I hate keeping it up inside like it's a bad thing.”

Hello anon,

Sure it is ok, and you should not feel restricted by any label. There are different approaches to definition of bisexuality but my favourite one is “romantic and/or sexual attraction to more than one sex or gender”. So if you feel comfortable with that and you feel it does define your sexuality than go with it. Do not forget your attractions do not have to be on the same level.

When it comes to coming out, it is a decision that is totally up to you. If you feel like you are hiding it and it bothers you, just tell it to your friend and if that person is your true friend, nothing shall differ for them, at the end you are the same person but just being honest and brave. 

Hope this helps.

1 month ago · 1 note

Anonymous asked: “I'm a 13 year old pansexual girl. everyone at school knows (but they see it as bi). my parents don't know and they would disown me if they did know. the problem is that I think I as born the wrong gender. I want to be a guy, but at the same time I don't. It would change everything and my parents would hate me. everyone at school would be freaked out. I'm not sure what to do.”

Hello anon,

Please, just please, do not rush on any labels, actually anything related to your sexuality and gender identity. I do not mean you cannot be both transgender and pansexual at the same time, which is surely possible, and yay in any case, but just do not rush to call it a name, as many do this mistake. If you do believe you were born with wrong gender, it is always better to talk to someone, just to clarify and see what can be done.

Here is meaning of transgender according to APA:

Transgender is an umbrella term for persons whose gender identity, gender expression or behavior does not conform to that typically associated with the sex to which they were assigned at birth. Gender identity refers to a person’s internal sense of being male, female or something else; gender expression refers to the way a person communicates gender identity to others through behavior, clothing, hairstyles, voice or body characteristics. “Trans” is sometimes used as shorthand for “transgender.” While transgender is generally a good term to use, not everyone whose appearance or behavior is gender-nonconforming will identify as a transgender person. The ways that transgender people are talked about in popular culture, academia and science are constantly changing, particularly as individuals’ awareness, knowledge and openness about transgender people and their experiences grow.

I will strongly suggest you to consult a local LGBTQ* organization where you can not only learn more and get rid of confusion, if any, but also meet with similar people like you and what they have experienced. After you make your mind, you can consider whether to share it with your parents or not, but remember that your safety comes first so please decide accordingly.

Hope this helps.

1 month ago · 2 notes

Question by anonymous

I feel so confused. I like girls, and I think Im a lesbian. Im okay with that, but then sometimes I convince myself I couldn’t possibly be gay. Not me. In my clearest moment gay feels like the right label, but its so easy to end up with muddled thoughts. I feel like while surrounded by heterosexual images in a world of heterosexual privileges Ive lost myself. I cant sort out what I feel from what Society wants me to feel. Can I still identify as bi if I’ve never dated girls before (I’m a girl) I’ve only ever had 2 boyfriends and i’m in a long term relationship with one right now, but I’ve been attracted to all genders since I was a kid. I feel like I’m not a “real” bisexual person since I’ve only been in heterosexual relationships before…

Hello anon,

We are indeed surrounded by heterosexual images, everywhere, even in a way it is seen normal, regardless how “far” it may go but it is unacceptable by some when it is same-sex, but the thing is, this is nor the first time neither the last one we see things happening that way. There will be people who will support equal rights for LGBTQ* individuals while other will find an excuse to be against it, and all we must do is to continue fighting and changing it. Just do not let anyone to tell you how you should feel or do not let it affect you.

When it comes to labels, again go with the label you feel most comfortable with. There is no “real” + label phrase, you first should understand. It is about how you feel and who you are attracted to, not your previous relationships. If you are attracted to all, then yay bisexual, if you can say you do not even see genders, then yay pansexual. There is no experience requirement to satisfy before choosing a label to identify your sexuality/sexual orientation. And the answer to your question, obviously, is yes.

Hope this helps.

2 months ago · 5 notes

2 months ago · 18 notes

Anonymous asked: “I identify as a lesbian, but I'm confused. I've had both crushes on girls and guys in the past, but for some reason I don't feel comfortable doing anything sexual/physical with guys. I just cringe at the thought. But with girls, I have never had a problem being physical with them, and I've found that my attraction towards guys are slowly fading away. Basically what I'm asking is, can I still consider myself gay, even though I've had crushes on guys in the past? People keep telling me I can't. :/”

Hello anon,

Do not let people tell you how to identify your sexuality, just go with the label you feel most comfortable with. It is ok to had attractions to guys in the past, and that does not make you any less gay. If you are gay, then gay it is. All is ok.

Hope this helps.

2 months ago · 0 notes

Anonymous asked: “Um hi I just wanted to ask for a little advice.. So I've considered myself straight up until recently, I've really been finding girls a lot more attractive (I'm a girl) but um boys are great too. The question is does this mean I'm bisexual? I'm really not sure how to know like girls are super cute and attractive and gah but I love the feeling around boys too.. How do you know? I'm really confused, I need help”

Hello anon,

Probably yes, but the true answer lies within you. If you have attractions to both in similar ways (both emotional and physical), then yes, otherwise, think about the differences: are you attracted to boys in the same way and can you see yourself with a boy or a girl in a relationship? You can ask many questions like this to clarify things for yourself, but just do not stuck on finding a label, as it will do no help.

Hope this helps.

2 months ago · 3 notes

Anonymous asked: “Hi, I find girls attractIVE and I find boys attractIVE.. but I don't know who I'm actually attractED to and I don't know what to think about it.. I'm a 17 year old girl in my junior year of high school. Heeeeeeeelp :/”

Hello anon,

So you find both attractive, this is all you need to know and think about. There is no problem on that either, so yay. If it is label what you are looking for, you can go with bisexual, if you are comfortable with it, or pansexual if your attractions does not differ from one gender to another, i.e. you do not “see” gender of a person you are attracted to.

Hope this helps.

2 months ago · 0 notes

Anonymous asked: “So for the past few months I've said that I am pansexual and for even longer then that I've known that I'm not straight. I'm out to most of my friends, and not my parents, and I've put more thought into it and I think I'm gay, because I definitely like girls way more then guys, like 90% girls, 10% guys, but I don't know if I should still say that I'm pan, or if I should go with gay, which is a lot easier for people to understand then pan. Would some LGBT people get mad if I said I was gay?”

Hello anon,

The pansexual is used when the individual states that gender has no role on their attractions, i.e. they do not “see” gender of a person, where in your case, it does not seem that way. So, it sounds like it would be better to choose between bisexual and gay, and that decision is totally up to you.

And no, as long as you do respect the definition of the labels and do not use them in a harmful way, there is no reason for anyone to get mad, at the end, you should go with the word you feel most comfortable with.

Hope this helps.

2 months ago · 1 note

Anonymous asked: “First off, i want to say that i watched your videos about your journey of coming out and it made me cry, a lot of it was similar to some of my experiences. I'm pansexual. I'm not afraid of saying that, I know other people accept this. The only person who doesn't accept this, however, is myself. Do you have any advice on how to accept sexuality? I've been having a tough time with it, including the fact that I'm trying to accept/figure out my gender identity, which my girlfriend is not so fond of.”

Hello anon,

First of all, I must state those videos are not mine but submissions by a tumblr user , just so you know.

When it comes to your question, I do get what you mean, but I believe it is not really ourselves who has an issue of “acceptance” but rather things on our minds, things we have been taught which I believe to be interfering with embracing ourselves to the fullest. Do not go hard on yourself, do not go with any label that you are not comfortable with it. It is just your sexuality, one of the many things that made you who you are, and you do not look at the colour of your eye and say “oh, I cannot accept this”. What side of pansexuality you cannot accept exactly? If it is the label you are not comfortable with, why would you use it then? Just be yourself, explore as much as you need, do not rush onto any labels, and everything will be fine. Do not just accept anything about yourself but rather embrace it.

Hope this helps.

2 months ago · 0 notes

Anonymous asked: “I am a 14 year old girl. I've never been with a girl, and my experience with guys is incredibly limited. But, for a long time, like a REALLY long time, I've wondered about my sexuality. I definitely like boys, but have had a crush on a girl here and there. However when I think of the future, I only see myself with a guy. I'm wondering if my crushes on girls are just curiosity, or if I'm bisexual. I know labels are just labels but I'm confused and if you could help me out id appreciate it thanks!”

Hello anon,

Well, you are the source of the answer. You just need to be honest to yourself and explore your sexuality. Ask yourself whether you see yourself with only guys in future because your attraction for boys differ from girls or is it because you have not truly let yourself fully explore your attractions. Please remember that it is not about the amount of experience you have with specific gender but rather who you fall for and how your attractions differ from one to another and what is the role it plays. You will eventually discover and clear it out, but you need to be honest to yourself and you should not rush to find a label.

You can check posts tagged with sexuality to find more questions previously answered here.

Best wishes.

3 months ago · 1 note