Ten Minutes Could Rid 10 Years of Self-Hatred
The hardest part about coming out of the closet is telling your parents. Many kids dread the thought of being disregarded by their families when they find out. But, what if instead of getting upset, parents had a chat with their kids about being gay—kind of like the sex talk”—before coming out? Wouldn’t it make coming out easier, at least for the kids?
I was a 19-year-old closeted boy living in a small island where homosexuality was more of a taboo than the norm. Only a handful of people were educated about what being gay was, that it’s not something you “choose” or a “disease” or any kind of “demon.” Unfortunately, because of this only a handful of people ever came out in my town.
The parents on my island are still adapting to the fact that there are gay guys and girls in society. But, instead of thinking “how is my child going to manage as a gay man or lesbian?” most are too busy thinking how their child could be gay at all. If parents only knew the chaos and madness kids go through trying to get their approval before and after coming out.
It’s traumatizing when mothers or fathers drop comments like “man up” or “please don’t be gay” or “no (surname) can ever be gay.” I know a set of parents who told their kid not to hang out with his long time friend because he is gay. Why can’t people just be more educated? Why can’t they think about the children rather than what the society is thinking?
Instead, when parents decide their child is mature enough for the “sex-talk” why not add in a “gay-talk” too? They talk about sex, condoms, girls, boys, contraception, etc. Why not something about being gay?
How about a talk about sexuality and what being gay is really like? This way the kid isn’t afraid to talk about it, even if they don’t realize they’re gay. They would know what the parents are thinking. At least relive the unnecessary stress of wondering if they will handle it OK or not. And if the parents aren’t OK with gay people, at least the kid doesn’t spend years wondering if their parents are OK with it and he knows how to handle the situation before coming out.
This idea may not be popular at first, but parents need to accept the fact that there is a possibility that their son/daughter is gay, bi, or trans. They need to be informed that being gay is not a choice or something you become. And, kids shouldn’t have to feel like they’re cheating their parents or disappointing them for being who they are.
We as a community know what we go through. Parents should know as well. It may not make their lives easier, but it makes a big difference for their kids.
On my island there is very little awareness and children are being tortured inside without knowing who they are. We love our parents and we’re scared we might lose them, but just a 10 minute chat can relieve 10 years of self-hatred, agony, and mental torture.
Think today for a better a tomorrow, I say. Parents should have the chat and see what surprises they stumble upon. The ideas about life parents and children have may not be as far apart as either think.
[Source: About.com Gay Life]
![Turkish actress now a ‘free man’ after a decision to change genders
Interview by Ayşe Arman | Hürriyet
The 26-year-old actress-turned-actor said that throughout his life he never felt like a woman, but instead always identified as a male. Erkoçlar’s mannerisms, the way he talks, the way he walks, and the way he sits all identify him as a man.The story of how Erkoçlar came to change his gender is a long one, which began at the age of six. “I was not like other girls. I didn’t play with Barbie dolls, but hung out with boys,” he said, stressing that when he was born he was a girl “only physically.” He said he never wanted to wear dresses when he was a little girl, and always rejected the feminine role he was born into as he felt himself to be a boy inside. However, he never told his story to anyone. “When I entered into adolescence everything hit me like a ton of bricks. I realized that I liked girls, but I had a women’s body. This was really hard for me,” Erkoçlar said.Although he was physically a very beautiful woman, he felt no connection to how he looked. “I never wanted to be like that, [with a woman’s body]. I wanted to change my body and become free again,” he said.Eventually Erkoçlar decided to undergo an operation, as what he was going through had become unbearable for him. “I was acting the way society wanted me to all the time. I had short hair and people told me, ‘you are an actress; you should let your hair grow.’ I put in artificial hair extensions. I really wanted to do my job well, but I was always acting in controversial ways.”As a result of the conflicted life he was living, and after decades of inner struggle, Erkoçlar decided to have a sex change. As he changed his sex, he also changed his name and become “Rüzgar.” “I felt as if I was born again after the operation. Nil was dead and Rüzgar was born instead,” Erkoçlar said. His sex reassignment surgery included a mastectomy and the forming of a penis from parts of his leg bone.My sexuality, my choice Before undergoing the operation, Erkoçlar began to take hormones and underwent a series of therapies to prepare him psychologically for the end result of his gender reassignment. “You feel angry [when you take hormones], and you gradually observe some changes in your mind. I feel better now. I have gotten used to [my new sex], but the sex-change operation was a really hard and painful process. It was very hard to endure, but I put up with all these things to get rid of the burden I had been carrying for 26 years,” he said. One of the hardest parts of identifying as a man on the inside with a female body on the outside was the interest that other men directed toward him, Erkoçlar added. “I have never loved, nor had a relationship with a man. I always had affairs with women, but I had to conceal this all the time,” he said. Still, he always managed to conceal his male identity. “I risked everything by going through this, and I don’t expect everyone to accept me as I am. They are free to accept or refuse me. But I am a man and that is my own reality. Only my body was different. Now I have found myself,” he said. With regard to the reactions he has received from the press and society on various social media platforms, Erkoçlar stressed that such reactions did not concern him. “This is my choice, my life, my sexuality. So it doesn’t concern anyone. That’s what I think,” he said](http://25.media.tumblr.com/2df3fd720b8209015e1ffb11a0d72c60/tumblr_mito4wTew71ql159go1_500.jpg)
